In February of 2022, I was in Cairo overnight and for the day for a talk before a pair of talks in Luxor for the next two days. On my first night I met friends out for dinner in Zamalek (an Island in the Nile near downtown Cairo) and the next day, after running a few errands, my friend Laila came to pick me up at my hotel - the Hilton, Zamalek, where I had been oddly fortunate to have the entire 5 bedroom, 10 room penthouse suite with wrap-around balconies with stunning views of the Nile and the city. It was wasted on me, of course, as I was only in there for about 6 hours. I briefly showed her around and then I gathered my luggage for a visit to the main Souk, Khan el Khalili - where we were to have tea and lunch.

As I was about to climb into her large black SUV with her driver, I was checking my phone for travel times. Earlier in the day, I had opened the Uber app to ascertain the time and cost for me to get to my talk that evening outside Cairo and to search the time and cost for me to get from my talk in the suburbs back to the airport. I was curious about a new option I had not seen before on the Uber screen so asked her, so… what is this “Uber Scooter?”

She laughed and replied, “Oh no, you don’t want that - you basically jump on the back of a motorcycle or moped and hold on for dear life - it’s very dangerous.” For me, it was a screeching record moment. “You mean to say, that right now, I can hire some crazy Egyptian motorcyclist to pick me up and zoom through this crazy traffic… and it is so cheap that it is practically free?” She laughed and said, “yes - so you want to try it? I can meet you in Khan el Khalili.” “I am so sorry,” I said, “but… YES! I have to try it - will you meet me there?”

The decision was made. I put my luggage in her car and ordered my Uber Scooter. Total cost for the 30-minute trip? About $2.30. She was a good sport and promised to meet me there.

My Uber Scooter driver was a large man on a very small motorcycle. I had to lean in and get very close, both hands on his shoulders. Laila told him to keep me safe and then waved as we zoomed off.

Immediately we appeared to be thwarted by traffic - except - not not on a motorbike. By diving between lanes, zooming out to sandy shoulders and generally ignoring every traffic rule ever created we were able to make progress in an otherwise traffic deadlock.

threading the needle. Both knees were dirty after : )

After crossing over to the mainland from the Zamalek bridge, we entered a traffic circle where my driver made a series of super sketchy moves, moving across 6 lanes of traffic in a nearly frozen traffic circle and threading the needle between two converging trucks - so close that my knee and his shoulder hit the vehicles on both sides. As we escaped the traffic circle and returned to a straight avenue where he zoomed between the lines of traffic I could not stop laughing at the mayhem and the whole situation in general.

He could feel the vibration and asked, in a rare moment of calm while stopped, “Are you OK? You want me to slow down?” I kept laughing and shouted, “Oh no - this is one of the best times of my life!” Well, this might have been a bad idea because if his moves were sketchy before, now he just started showing off. He was dodging into nonexistent spaces, jumping sidewalks and then we actually hit the back of a car that had abruptly stopped. “Sorry,” he said as we backed off, and then it happened - he made a right and we left the streets and entered the pedestrian-only area of Khan el Khalili. We were the only motorized vehicle.

The next 10 minutes were thrilling and terrifying and fun. We accelerated for a few seconds every time there was an opening, and then skidded to a stop to dodge pedestrians, vendors, and couriers. At one point ahead of us, there was an older man haranguing a younger man in front of him. Suddenly the younger man turned around and slapped the older man hard (all on video) and then they both continued walking as if nothing had happened. It was like unraveling a Rubik’s cube of culture as we turned left and right dodging down the colorful alleyways.

Eventually, we landed at Laila’s favorite teahouse. I had arrived more than 20 minutes ahead of her. My Uber Scooter driver? Well, he claimed that the app had been canceled for some reason and asked me for $5 instead of the $2.30. I gave him $10 instead. It was well worth the ride.

Eventually, Laila made her way to the square and we climbed above the souk to see it as the sun was setting. Egypt has its own magic and I was enthralled by the shouts and sights and sounds of the ancient city.

Why Am I Still Alive Pt. 26: Uber Scooter in Cairo